vivid dreams that intrigue - or - just torment.
Written thoughts that open doors & open mind allowing us to see the truth hiding in the shadows.
"A dream which is not interpreted is like a letter which is not read." -- The Talmud
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Monday, April 28, 2008
The Boys of Summer
Yesterday, the family & I did our usual Sunday thing.
In the morning the three of us went to church & then my son & I went to see a baseball game. This week it was the Jupiter Hammerheads vs the Daytona Cubs (It's Minor League baseball). It was a great day for both of us.
Not only did we have some great father/son moments, but my son won a baseball & a baseball bat at the game. He was so excited!!
Even better he got his bat autographed by 9 Hammerhead players! Here he is, getting his new bat signed by a couple of players.
I love Roger Dean Stadium! It is a small field and it feels old-time & personable. Even the town of Jupiter has that old-time quiet hometown feel. The players shake hands with the kids and it's just about having fun.
In the past I've been to Major League games where the Marlins are out of reach. They charge for autographs and the players even get arrogant about what they will not sign. These are kids who look up to these guys as heroes - come on! is this what we want our heroes to act like? They have forgotten the 'game' of baseball vs the 'business' of it.
Anyway off my soapbox!
These guys of the Minor League are one-on-one with the kids. I love that!
I especially love how close we can get to the playing field! I enjoy taking tons of pictures & trying to catch them in action.
Here's one I'm proud of. Not only did I catch the very moment where he hits the ball - BUT - I got the swing at the very second the bat is breaking! Awesome Luck!! If you zoom in, you could see the bat as it's cracking!
This is what I love about life. It feels good to be a part of moments like this - they only come around once. It feels even better to know that in a world that is constantly at war, we can still find good 'ol American Baseball - gotta love it!!!
Another song that caught my attention & that stuck in my head. The lyrics are clean and simple. Beautiful song...
"I'm giving You my heart All that is within I lay it all down For the sake of You my King I'm giving You my dreams laying down my rights I'm giving up my pride For the promise of new life
And I Surrender All to You, all to You And I Surrender All to You, all to You
Singing You this song Waiting at the Cross And all the world holds dear Count it all as loss For the sake of knowing You For the glory of Your name To know the lasting joy Even sharing in Your pain"
And I Surrender All to You, all to You And I Surrender All to You, all to You
Human existence w/needs, concerns & desires while still choosing to be connected to the Divine.
So what do I mean by Being? So consider for a moment that at every moment we choose to BE who we say we are. So here's an example of what happened today. Life is not working the way that I want it to right now. The economy is slow & business has dropped of significantly. Bill are adding up & employees need to be paid.
I have a choice of who I am going to be in this circumstance. I can be angry and blame the whole thing on a bad economy. Upset that there is nothing I can do about it. This is perfectly fine and many people would agree with me, but at the end of the day I would be angry, upset, a victim of my circumstances and nothing has happened to improve the situation.
OR
I can choose to be peaceful, in action to change my circumstances, and connected to the power of the Divine (God, source, the universe - call it what you will).
The first option gives me an upset stomach, a nervous twitch & anxiety attacks, all the while feeling disempowered. The second option gives me peace, power and the complete feeling that everything will be alright. No upset stomach & my cardiogram still shows normal.
I choose to BE who I say I am. I get to live another day at peace with my circumstances (I didn't say ignore my responsibilities) but knowing that I am not a victim to them and the money to pay the bills just gets generated.
I may not say it often & I may not let you know it... but who YOU are makes a difference.
You contribute to my life in ways that are unmeasurable & I have not acknowledged you for it...
But I want you to know that it did not go unnoticed.
So I invited you here today for several reasons : 1. To share with you this video and hope that it inspires you to pay it forward. 2. To say thank you for who you are for me and to let you know that you DO make a difference in my life. 3. To allow you into my life & so that you may know who I am.
I do not often share my thoughts or feelings. I keep them to myself and people are often surprised when I do share. "I didn't know that about you..." is often the reply. So I invite you to browse thru my thoughts & feelings as they are expressed here.
Thank you for who you are & the way that you help shape my life.
I've been listening to a lot of different music lately. Old Rolling Stones, Robert Plant, Bluegrass, The Texas Girls, Moody Blues, Antony and the Johnsons... many different style, many different artists. The one thing that I find in common in the different music is a sense of hope & a longing to belong. A sense of oneness seems to be what I'm drawn to.
Today, I was listening to the Moody Blue's "I'm Just A Singer (In A Rock And Roll Band)." I've heard this song so many times before, but this time was the first time that I actually got drawn into the lyrics. The words are inspiring to me.
"I'm just a wandering on the face of this earth Meeting so many people Who are trying to be free And while I'm traveling I hear so many words
Language barriers broken Now we've found the key And if you want the wind of change To blow about you And you're the only other person to know, don't tell me I'm just a singer in a rock and roll band.
A thousand pictures can be drawn from one word Only who is the artist We got to agree A thousand miles can lead so many ways
Just to know who is driving What a help it would be So if you want this world of yours To turn about you And you can see exactly what to do Please tell me I'm just a singer in a rock and roll band.
How can we understand Riots by the people for the people Who are only destroying themselves And when you see a frightened Person who is frightened by the People who are scorching this earth.
I'm just a wandering on the face of this earth Meeting so many people Who are trying to be free And while I'm traveling I hear so many words
Language barriers broken Now we've found the key And if you want the wind of change To blow about you And you're the only other person to know, don't tell me I'm just a singer in a rock and roll band.
How can we understand Riots by the people for the people Who are only destroying themselves And when you see a frightened Person who is frightened by the People who are scorching this earth.
Music is the traveller crossing our world Meeting so many people bridging the seas I'm just a singer in a rock and roll band. We're just the singers in a rock and roll band. I'm just a singer in a rock and roll band..."
What I'm getting from these lyrics is that I can be a simple man (the singer) and my thoughts/ideas (wonderings) can actually make a difference in this world. My thoughts & ideas which are my music, are the "traveller" that crosses "worlds" and bridges the seas.
Music is the key - it is the one thing that all cultures have and it is the one thing that breaks down the barries that keep my soul from expressing itself. It has no pretences, no image to protect - just an expressions of my deeper soul. This is what is common in all man-kind - ours souls wanting to be free and its the key that makes the difference.
"I'm going to lunch. You want me to get you something?" asks my assistant Dani. A few moments of silence sits in the air as Dani waits for my reply. "What did you say - lunch, is it that time already?" I reply faking a happy distracted mood. Dani seems to be worried for me now and not sure what to say. "What's the matter? You have been so distracted all day long."
"Oh. nothing, I just got off the phone with Mercy and I got some sad news." Again a few seconds of silence as I stare at my computer screen and ponder what Mercy just said. The words "Kirk's daughters are busy right now and could not talk to me. But they gave me their OK to put him in Hospice." Wow! This left me feeling totally empty. How can they be so unconcerned.
I suddenly realize that Dani is waiting for me to continue. "Nothing really!" I reply, forcing an even more insecure smile. She stares me down to tell her the truth "It's just that Mercy had to take Kirk to the hospital & she just gave me some bad news." Dani pulls up a chair and immediately sits down, almost as if to say - Tell me more...
"Mercy just had to put Kirk in Hospice." Dani & I are just sitting there staring at each other - not sure what to say. I'm sitting there silently thinking, was it Kirk that I was waiting for at the gates of heaven?
"Oh my God! Hospice? Isn't Kirk that older gentleman that Mercy takes care of?" Dani adds. Before I could reply she continues. "Why is Mercy the one registering him into Hospice? Isn't his family supposed to be there to do it?" This question hit me hard. Kirk has no one - here. He finds himself all alone & the only person to love & care for him is Mercy.
It hit home for me & my mind immediately flashes to a future of where my life is heading. I am so wrapped up in my worries. So wrapped up in myself & circumstances that I leave people aside. Paying the bills and making my business work can't be the only things I devote my time to if I want my family to be there for me. I saw myself - in my future - as Kirk is right now!
I see myself laying in a hospital bed. I'm a frail old man, laying there with all kinds of wires poking into my body, and thick tubes hanging out of my nose. There are loads of machines that seem to be monitoring all my vital signs. Nurses are urgently dashing in and out of the room. There is plenty of activity going on as people are taking care of me. I am seeing this as I'm floating over my bed looking down at myself. I see one nurse taking my pulse while another nurse is preparing the heart defibrillator. Everything is beeping like crazy! The monitor alarms going off and the life line on the screen all of a sudden goes... flat!
I see the doctor leaning over me, trying to listen for my breath. "That's OK nurse. We're not going to need that now." He says and just pauses for a second, As if to make sure that this is his final decision.
"He's gone."
Then everything goes silent! No beeping, no alarms going off. Nothing!
I can't hear a sound and things seem to be in slow motion and foggy now. I look around the room and all I see is sterile white walls and the coldness of all the metallic equipment. Not one bouquet of flower to add color to my world, nor there to soften the scent in the air. Not one card or picture to breakup the sterile white-ness of my space.
And worse of all - not one person crying for me as my soul drifts out of my body. Wher is Mercy and Marc? Have I chased them away?
What have I done with my life?
As I drift away all there is, is a soft song that fills the air. I had the radio tuned to a classic rock station before all this started. And up until now I did not even hear that radio.
But now...
the music just fills my soul. The serenity of the moment and the peace in nothingness fills me. The only thing I can focus on is the lyrics of this song playing:
Isn't life strange A turn of the page A book without light Unless with love we write To throw it away To lose just a day The quicksand of time You know it makes me want to cry cry, cry.
Wish I could be in your heart To be one with your love Wish I could be in your eyes Looking back - there you were...
- Moody Blues (Isn't Life Strange)
As I ascend past the ceiling of my room, the sounds of the room start to fade away. The lyrics, now just a distant memory, makes me wonder - if some of those, that I've left behind long ago, who shared my happiest moments - ever think about me. I start to cry and weep from all the loneliness I've created around me, as I drift away for all eternity.
"What's the matter?" Dani questions, shocking me back to the present moment. "Why are you crying?" Dani reaches over and hands me a tissue to dry my tears. As my mind settles back to my present day reality, I get frightened by that future. I need to do something so that my future does not look like that! As I land back into my body, I feel compelled to answer Dani. "No, Kirk's daughters live in California and in New Jersey. They are busy and cannot be here to put him in Hospice. We are his family here. He is my father-in-law; my mother; my cousin. He is all that I know - all that I've lost - all that I am. I need to care for him now."
"What a beautiful morning!" exclaimes mercy. "Argh!" I reply. "I'm still in bed. Let me sleep!" I yell back as I cover by eyes with the warm toasty blanket. As I'm dozing off, Mercy decides to continue! "What a nice sunny day. Too bad, you're missing out on such a lovely typical Florida morning!" In spite of my plea to let me sleep, she continues. "I forgot to tell you. I need to take Kirk to the doctor's office for a followup. Can you pickup Marc after school today?" "Argh! Let me sleep!" and at that moment I roll over and cover my whole head." I'll call you later! Bye honey - luv ya!"
Finally some peace and quite! I think to myself. Now I can get a few more minutes of sleep. Finally, I close my eyes and doze off again. But in what felt like only minutes, the alarm rings! Beep!Beep!Beep!Beep!
"Shit! I can't believe this. Now I have to get up!
So this is how my Monday morning started this week. I just blow it off, though, and start my week anyway - what else can I do. I grab my coffee mug and get in the car. As I'm driving to the office my cell phone rings. I grab it and am ready to answer the phone when all of a sudden the traffic stops to a grind. I almost dropped the phone and hurry to pick it up and answer it!
"What! Mercy," I answer. "Hi honey. How's your day going?" As I'm ready to yell and let her know how my day is going, I hear some sadness in her voice "what's the matter?" I ask her. "There's a problem with Kirk! The doctor is rushing him to the hospital." At that moment my heart just dropped into my stomach. I didn't know what to say. "You want me to come with you?" I asked. "No, that's ok. Kirk looks fine! I think its only a precaution that the doctor wants to take. He's ok I'lll call you later to update you. Bye"
As she hung up the phone I get the sinking feeling that things are not going to be ok today. See last night I had another one of my vivid dreams. I dreamt that I was standing at the gates of heaven receiving the newcomers. It's a beautiful and euphoric moment full of joy and excitement! The feeling of happiness is like I've never felt before! I am the happiest I've ever been! My goodness, I'm standing at the gates of heaven with St. Peter, and my task is to welcome everyone into heaven. I cannot describe the greatness of the experience and the oneness of heaven. The only word that comes to mind is Nirvana!
I'm there greeting and welcoming people into heaven, when all of a sudden I'm feeling a little distracted. I continue greeting the newcomers and I just become aware that I am waiting on somebody - someone that I know - is expected to arrive.
I've been listening to Wayne Dyer being interviewed by Michael Toms of New Dimensions. The thing that interested me the most is the 4 pathways to mastery which are Discipline, Wisdom, Unconditional Love and Surrender.
As he explains it, traditional education only involves the first two, Discipline & Wisdom. To reach mastery requires to reach beyond "Knowing & Doing" into the realm of "Being." I was surprised to hear that reaching the level of mastery involves surrendering. Surrendering myself to accepting that I am one with the universe and one with all.
When Dr. Dyer quotes Michelangelo's famous quote, it makes perfect sense -
"David was already in there I just chipped away the excess."
So to relate this to my life. When I'm designing & I have an urgency or 'need' to get the design done nothing happens. I just can't do it - I could be sitting there for hours and the design just does not flow.
But when I 'let go' of the need - I put loud music and just let my hand sketch away & not force an outcome - The ideas flows and the design just comes out. Surrendering to what is inside of me and letting it flow out is what I am getting from Dr. Dyer's words.
Not forcing it out but just letting it be what it needs to be.
Lots of stuff going on in my life. I find myself just swirling in the fog. I am traveling thru unknown roads, once in a while getting off at the wrong exit in life. And even though I have to find my way back onto the path intended, sometimes it feels that I am not getting anywhere. That is until I saw this video!
Very inspiring and uplifting video!. Its called "My stroke of insight" by Jill Bolte Taylor.
Every road traveled in life is a choice - every moment I have the choice of how my day will go. I can choose to be down and blame my circumstances OR I can choose to live my life empowered.
So I choosing an enpowering life. Accepting it how it is and how it is not.
