We Have Moved

Blogger has served us well for many years and we are appreciative of the service they provided. But like anything else, we have outgrown it.

We are still located at the same url : dreamscapes.psolis.com/ - and still posting so come and check us out.

The only thing that has changed is that we are no longer using Blogger as our blogging platform. We are self-hosting (like we always have) and just needed more freedom to continue to do so.

Thank you, & I hope the change does not inconvenience you
Pablo

This page will redirect you there automatically...

Foolish Old Man - The Sweet Scent of Spring...

The flowers in the lobby look a little sad today. They are drooping and falling onto the table. But the scent hits me as soon as I entered the seventh floor lobby.

The sweet-smelling purple flowers fill the room with life, if only for a moment.

Stepping off the elevator and into the lobby, the only person I see is Kirk. With his back to the elevator, he seems to sense that it is me...

"those are Violets you smell..." he said "I ought to know! I've trimmed them this morning as I have done for forty-seven seasons!" he continued as-matter-of-factly.

"Hi Kirk!" I squeezed in, but he just continued...

"Forty-seven springs of bloom did I tender!" He pauses as if all of a sudden lost in his own thoughts.

"Even in Nam I grew them! I picked them every morning and placed them on the net of my helmet."

Wait a second... He's not talking to me! he's just recounting his memories. Reliving the moments that the scent of the violets brings.

"Nope! Nam couldn't kill that..." Now Kirk seems to pause for a second.

That moment lasted for a few minutes and then all of a sudden a happy moment seems to slip in.

"We even had Violets at my oldest's wedding! Every Spring my daughters used to wake up to the sweet scent of violets. I don't know why, but slowly the rough years and months seem to make the sweet scent just fade away. Violets seemed to be around less and less till one day..."

Kirk stopped!

"...till one day what, Kirk? what happened?" I implored to know.

"One day - Betty died."

Kirk stopped all together. The trip down memory lane ended and he just slumped forward in his chair. Kirk reverted back to being a resident at the nursing home and the only thing running now is the drool down his cheek.

So sad to see them just stop like that.

The Power of Hate & Pardon

Sharing a story by Paulo Coelho that is so appropriate today

The Power of Hate & Pardon

"It’s very difficult. But there is no choice: if you don’t pardon, then you’ll think about the pain they caused you and that pain will never go away. I’m not saying that you have to like those who do you wrong. I’m not telling you to go back to that person’s company. I’m not suggesting that you start seeing that person as an angel or as someone who acted without any hurtful intentions. All I am saying is that the energy of hate will take you nowhere, but the energy of pardon which manifests itself through love will manage to change your life in a positive sense.”

“I have been hurt many times.”

“That’s the reason that you still bear within yourself the little boy who cried hiding from his parents, the boy who was the weakest in his class. You still bear the marks of that frail little boy who could never find a girlfriend and was never good at sports. You haven’t managed to chase off the scars of some injustices they committed against you during your life. But what good does that do you? None at all. Absolutely nothing. Just a constant desire to feel sorry for yourself for being the victim of those who were stronger. Or else dress up like an avenger ready to inflict more wounds on those who hurt you. Don’t you think you’re wasting your time with all that?”

“I think it’s human.”

“It’s certainly human. But it’s neither intelligent nor reasonable. Respect your time on this Earth, understand that God has always pardoned you, and learn to pardon too.”

After this conversation with J, which took place just before I traveled to spend 40 days in the Mojave desert in the United States, I began to understand better the boy, the adolescent, the hurt adult I once was. One morning, going from the Valley of Death in California to Tucson in Arizona, I made a mental list of everyone I thought I hated because they had hurt me. I went along pardoning them one by one and six hours later, in Tucson, my soul felt so light and my life had changed much for the better.
- Paulo Coelho

Being Thankful

In these days of economic downturn, job loss, disappearances of investments & funds, foreclosures & loss of faith, the common question I hear is "Why is this happening?" Well allow me to say that it is a useless question. And if I stay there then all I will be doing is wasting my days trying to "figure out why!" What is gone is gone!

The only really valuable question is:

"What Can I learn from it?"

Because this question then leads me to ask "What do I choose to do now?" Now this question is really empowering and worthwhile asking!!

The "why" question simply perplexes, leaves me disempowered - that I might never get out of - and hardly ever leaves me satisfied. It never gives a good answer just more why's.

So don't try to "figure it out." Do as Bob Newhart says and just "Stop it!" Stop wasting energy & just focus on what you now wish to create. There is now a clean slate in front of you where you can create a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g!!

Keep moving forward!!
There is nothing behind you - it is all gone & done! Focusing on how it worked or did not work won't change a darn thing! The future is not guaranteed for any of us. Just focusing on what is possible right now is what best serves you. Being your highest thoughts & your highest self right now is all there really is.

So on this day of Thanksgiving, I am thankful for having you in my life; I am thankful for the life that God grants me; I am thankful for the freedoms we have; Thnakful for the ability to let go of the past & for the will to make life work - right now!- no matter what shows up!

I am Thankful for Family

As a child I have always held the belief that 'Family Comes First.' I have always lived that way & even considered a 'value' worth having.

Little by little family members grow up, each sibling has a family of their own & they each have their own priorities. As the expression goes 'that's life!' But somehow I still held on to the believe that family comes first. If I had a conflict in schedule between a family event or a personal event, the family event won - no questions asked. Of course over the years friends saw this & they went their seperate ways, loves I've had were envious & also went their way. Sitting alone I pondered if I've made the right decision, along came one of my sister to offer a shoulder to cry on & I knew I have.

Over the years and over the days. Weeks come & go like the wind. The winds of last few years have been tough. The economy, the bickering & the death of our mother has torn us apart. And my family, like the sand on the beach, some gather up in dunes & some wash away. My believe of 'family comes first' has withered away. Now all I can do is dream of days gone by.

But that dream and desire still exists in me. I long for a close knit family & maybe naively I still live like 'family comes first' even though that is not the way some of my siblings feel. So I hold on steadfast.

I remember when my father-in-law had a stroke, my wife & I took care of him. Rushing him to the hospital in the late-night hours due to an emergency, Mercy would go & I took care of the homefront - we worked as a team. I have had to change my daily plans to be there for my wife & her father. It was tough, but I did it - not as a sacrifice - but because family comes first. He lived with us, in our home on a hospital bed unable to move or communicate for seven months. We cared for him. It was not easy, but it was not a drudgery. This is what families do - be there for each other - right?

I am reminded of all the times that he came to my rescue, night or day. Anytime - I knew we could always count on him. He already knew that family comes first. So when it was time to care for him my thought is - It is the least I could do!

Even yesterday! My wife's car broke down. I was not at home nor nearby to help her, but my brother & her best-cousin were there! They went no questions asked! No matter the distance or the inconvenience - They were there.

Even though it does not look like it used to, I still hold my believe that my family will believe in 'family comes first.' Yes my hope flickers like the message alert on my cell phone. Silently blinking. Patiently waiting to be noticed. But I still hold it as a value worth having.

On this day before Thanksgiving, I want to give thanks for my family. The way they are and the way that they are not - in my life.

Please Don't Bomb the Moon...

What the heck are we thinking!!??

I think we (USA) have really, really lost our minds! OK, I can buy the bombing of Afghanistan - those lousy Taliban...

OK, Iraq... Remember Iraq, they lied told us that Saddam had Weapons of Mass Destruction and we all bought it! Shame on me! In the last few weeks, they are intent to bomb Iran - all to take advantage of it's natural resources (children can you say... o-i-l).

But now we are gonna bomb the moon for it's water. I distrust the intent of this mission. See the government has set a bad precedent & I just can't take their word for it anymore. In the past, they've sold us a down-right lie 'valid' reason when they really had ulterior motives. What they really sold us was flagrantly not true! All to get those countries' oil.

Now back to the moon - they tell us that they found water on the moon & this is the excuse reason why we are gonna create an explosion the size of a large city - so they can capture the water droplets in the debris. The plume the explosion will create is soooo large that we will be able to see it from the earth. Is that really necessary????

Does this sound a bit extreme to you as well????

I have an extract from the article that explains the project (I found it on counterpunch.org )

And now, once again, there are plans to bomb the Moon. This time the unilateral strike is aimed at the Moon’s South Pole and the payload will be delivered by the LCROSS (Lunar CRater Observation and Sensing Satellite) spacecraft; the excuse given is that this is an effort to find water deep under lunar surface. The craft was launched in late June and is currently orbiting the Earth until it finds its target; if all goes according to plan, the M-Day bombing will be October 8, 2009.

The plan is this: the LCROSS first shoots off its 2,300-pound spent booster-rocket at the lunar target zone. Four minutes later, in a scheme apparently inspired by fanatical terrorist airline hijackers, the rest of the robotic LCROSS craft slams into the same area. Like crazed kamikaze paparazzi, the craft will snap photos and transmit data on the first strike back to NASA’s mad bombers before immolating itself in a second explosion. This violent hi-tech sci-fi spectacle will cost anywhere up to $600 million, a price tag that is an outrageous insult to the millions of working people unable to feed, house, or medically treat their families. (As Gil Scott-Heron lamented in 1974: “How come there ain’t no money here? Hmm! Whitey’s on the Moon…”)

Of course, there is much more behind this attack than casual scientific curiosity on whether or not there is water on the Moon. First of all, since the long-range accuracy of intercontinental ballistic missiles has never been proven to work, the LCROSS suicide mission serves as a live-fire test exercise for US war strategists with an interest in the precision of orbiting satellite weapons—in other words, the southern hemisphere of the Moon will be turned into a firing range, making this mission one giant leap for the global reach of space warfare. Secondly, LCROSS has been promoted as “the vanguard” for the US military-industrial-entertainment complex’s return to the Moon—according to NASA, finding water is a necessary first step for “building a long-term and sustainable human presence” there. Historically, the purpose of exploration has always been the exploitation of resources and the colonization of territory without regard for ecosystems or indigenous peoples, and clearly the Moon is the next territory coveted by imperialists.

So now we are gonna blow a hole on the moon & make it look even more like Swiss Cheese. I as much as the next guy love to see stuff blow up, but this project does not sit well.

So back to my theory... If this is just a cover story, then what would be a real reason to blow up the moon? DISCLAIMER: This is just my theory. I'm speculating & having fun making this up. Why? Because this NASA project is so OUT THERE, so OVERDONE, so OUTLANDISH, and 600 million dollars, all to prove there is water on the moon. HELLOOO-OOOOHH! And if you buy that, I have a beautiful bridge that I can sell you... I'm speculating & having a 'conspiracy-theori-itis' moment & I'm pissed that USA lies to us. I'm venting so don't make it mean ANYTHING...

1. Maybe they are blowing up something they don't want us to see...At first I was not going to offer this as an option, I laughed & thought it's so ridiculous. but a statement from Former United Nations Ambassador and Fox News analyst John Bolton, and several other scientists, made me thing twice. John Bolton stated: "What the sam hell is going on over on the side [of the moon] we can't see?" Bolton asked. "How do we know the Lunarians aren't amassing weapons of mass goddamn destruction using superior space technology purchased from an advanced race of mantis-like extra-terrestrials? The answer is, 'we don't.'"That statement sounds out there - Lunarians on the dark-side of the moon... From a prior official? Well he is not the only one that thinks so...
2. Maybe we are testing our own mega Weapon-of-Mass-Destruction that will orbit the earth & strike on any target we choose, without sending out one soldier, all from the safety of the president's desk & his little red button. The test site - for now - is on the moon. Very public, clearly announced and showing a missile orbiting the moon & striking a pre-determined spot. I'm having a Dr. Evil moment: "We won't push the red button on your ass, if you pay us one milllliiiioooonnnn dollars....."
3. Who knows the environmental implications that may have on the orbit of the moon or it's magnetic pull on the earth. So maybe, they want to fix a deteriorating orbit as suggested by Ask the Astronomer. Or maybe they need to correct a failing magnetic field thereby fixing the rising ocean currents in the process. Why? I don't know... but an option.
4. Maybe they are just so darn frustrated, because they have not found Bin Laden & those damn muslin-hate mongers to blow their ass, that they just have to pick on the next bigger thing to blow up - just to feel better about themselves.

5. Now theory #5 just to round things up. With a hint of sarcasm & lead by "Mr Show"... "We have the technology, the time is now! America can and will blow up the moon now..." This makes great TV people... Don't you get it? America pride, know-how & tenacity."



6. What if, just a thought... What if nothing comes of it?
   
   I mean, what if the hype and protest is just hype? It would definately be something that got us all worked up and then just let us down. This rollercoaster ride would have more an effect on us then the pull of the moon does.

As you can see, I can definitely imagine many scenarios, but really: Why would NASA do it?

"The Monkey demands an answer!"

Well maybe because it's there & because we can.

Dreams : Ideas Flowing Like...

I find myself sleeping in a very large bedroom. My bed, a large four-poster California King with a very cozy down comforter, looks tiny in this massive master bedroom. The master bedroom was very large and also had a beautiful wood ceiling. The walls are fine silk wallpaper and the floor is a beautiful bamboo hardwood finish. The bed, in the room, was on the right 1/3 of the room with the rest of the room furnished as a large sitting area.

As I lay there dreaming, I get the sensation of something stepping on my toes. It feels like the tiny feet of my bird Rico. Every Sunday morning, when he is let out of his cage, he flies upstairs and into my bedroom.

He jumps off my toes, walks up my leg, steps on my stomach and makes his way across my chest. This is his usual path on his way to see my face. Standing at the edge of the comforter, which I have tucked under my chin, he sits there looking at me. I am now awakened by the noise Rico makes as he repeatedly turns his head side to side to get a better look at me, with both of his eyes.

I open my eyes, and Rico is startled. He chirps and then flies off. As he flies off, there is a green, orange & brown trail behind him. At first, I thought -what the heck? - but it was green, orange & brown and its trailing as he flies circles around the room. "Hey! Wait a second, green, orange & brown?" I immediately sit up on the edge of the bed & look down at the floor where its dropping. It is tiny little lovebirds with green plumage & orange cheeks walking all over the floor. I mean tiny! They are only about a 1/2 tall and there are so many of them!

This is weird! Tiny little birds walking around with a few brown worms to boot. I am totally shocked by this and I charge out of the room to get the camera! "Nobody is going to believe this! I need some evidence." I charge down the stairs & oddly enough, my wife is sleeping on the mid-span on this beautiful grand staircase. At the time, I didn't think much of it and just kept going. But when I came charging back, she was gone.

The house was a very beautiful Spanish-style mansion - felt like one of the homes I've done. The living room where my camera was, had a 14' tall pecky cypress ceiling, marble floors and the walls were a fine Venetian plaster finish. The room was one of my designs and the ceiling was finely detailed with cross beams and very ornate trim.

When I came back to the bedroom, the raised-paneled mahogany door was closed and the lower left hand corner was spray-painted with an enamel paint. The fresh baby-poop colored paint is dripping down the wall and door and spilling onto the beautiful bamboo hardwood floor. I step over it anyway and enter the room. In entering the room, I find this room feeling weird now. "I would never design the bed right in front of the door?" I question, but soon forget this inquiry and remember what I was doing.

To my surprise, there are no little birds anymore. The only thing I see is a few brown worms coiled up like a spring. I bend down to take a macro shot of the tiny worms, when I notice the noise in the other end of the room. Instead of getting up, I look thru the space under the bed & notice lots of legs & activity in the other side of the room. I get up and there, where the sitting area used to be, now sits several drawing tables with people bustling around. It looks like a brainstorming meeting waiting on the chief art director.

---

So you know what comes next... my interpritation of the dream:

OK so birds flying are symbols of communication and ideas. Over on DreamMoods.com : To see a bird in your dream, suggests that a message is being conveyed to you. Birds in history are also messangers. The fact that they are circling me means, to me, that my ideas are flowing. Also the fact that the bird is pooping other birds means to me that ideas are really flowing and more communication is being generated all around.

I saw the rooms in very vivid detail so the reason I saw the living room & master bedroom this way is because this is what I do for a living. I design homes. Everything centered around this house - around my design. Then finally I discover (that in my own room) there are many people bustling around and are even having a 'brainstorming' session.

So to wrap all this together, Ideas (creating, designing) are flowing like crazy all around me. My designs are the center of where all this is happening and there are people waiting to brainstorm with me. To create new ideas and have them flow all around.

Funny enough - or maybe this is why I am interpreting the dream this way - is that I just resolved to take my design ideas and spread them a round. I just created new opportunities to share them with people around other countries and share my ideas for luxurious living. Creating spaces that inspire and surrounds the occupants with luxurious environments to fill their souls.

There was one part that seemed off. When I left the room, I returned to a spray-painted door (ruined beautiful mahogany door) dripping on the bamboo floor; the room layout was off; no birds in the room and only brown coiled worms.

So this seems to be a word of caution in the message.

To me this means to keep my eye on the ideas. Keep them flowing & don't get distracted by the 'brown worms.' Not worry or get too focused on proving ("evidence") of anything to anybody. Just do it as my heart tells me so and for the fulfillment of people's soul. Stepping up and being 'the art director' they are waiting for, will ultimately be the fullest expression of who I am and will fill my soul.

Visitaion : #15 Confirmed

Today my wife got a call that Julito passed away. This confirms the premonition I had on the 15th.

We went to visit the family & when we got there I got the confirmation of my visitation dream. The family was at peace & they were complete with the way Julito passed away. They were not crying over the loss, but were praising God for not letting him suffer and live in a long vegetated state.

Luis even shared with us that 10 years ago, Julito got ill and was ready to die. Luis' son was about to be born & Luis asked God to keep Julito around a little while longer so that he can be with his grandson. He thanked God for the additional time Julito had to spend with the family & the grandson.

They were now OK with him passing and the time had come for him to be with God. They were OK because in their eyes God had given them a sign at the hospital. A flock of pigeons started gathered outside his hospital room window the evening that he was taken to Hospice. Grays on one side, whites on another & a reddish one in the middle. Even the nurses commented on how odd that was. They've never seen the birds before today.

This was the case for a few days. But on the day Julito was to pass, the birds flew away an hour after his passing.

Visitation : #15 Another Active Dream Night

Another active dream night! Let me rephrase that... They are all active, but this night was really impactful and is visitation 15. So to go right into the dream:

I'm standing there waiting for my seminar to start. I am nervously rubbing my hands when somebody comes up to me. "Linda needs to see you right away" he says, pointing down the hall towards the end of the building where the gymnasium is located. "Right now?" I question. "Yes, In the gym. It's urgent!"

OK, so I head down the hallway, passed the double fire doors with the tiny wire-mesh glass that only gives you a glimpse of what's on the other side. I push the gray doors which seem to weight heavy to the touch. I have to push even harder just to get them to open. Once on the other side, I walk into the tiny vestibule of the gymnasium. There is nobody here so I look around to get a clue. The room is small with a low acoustical ceiling and with only two sets of doors. The choice is clear. To the right, a single narrow door leading into the coaches office, but straight ahead is a double set of doors that I assume will lead me into the gym.

I push them open and walk into a large, white, voluminous room. Everywhere there is equipment lining up the wall. Straight ahead there is a basketball hoop. To the right at the end of the room seems to be the only clear line of path. Except that its just an edge that seems to drop off. I walk over to the edge, looking for a ladder or stairs down, but none that I can find.

No way down but a slatted wall, that seems to be like a stacked set of red 'p-leather' bleachers. I am at the top of these bleachers & scaling them seems like the only way down. Down below I hear people, so it can't be that bad of a climb down.

I climb down & when I get there, I see a guy & two ladies. I know them! the figures don't look like them, but I know it's them. The guy is on the left side of this lower gym, somewhat in the distance, with his back towards me. I walk towards him and for every step I take he seems to get further away from me. I call his name to which he responds by turning his head. He looks at me in the eye & then looks away.

The older lady is on the far right corner, almost frozen with a bluish, gray parka. Definitely does not seem approachable. The younger girl is on the near right coming out of this darkened hallway. She is wearing a pale yellow knee length hooded parka. You know the kind - fur rim around the hood, wrists and hem. This one was dingy looking though. As if she has fallen in some rough, slushy puddle and splashed around in it for a while.

"Hi..." she looks up and makes eye contact for a nanosecond. Drops her sad, watery eyes and quickly dashes by me as if she did not know me. Everything seems strange - off you know...

I walk into the darkened hallway and to my surprise, there's Linda & Gladys. They have their backs to me & are talking to a man, seated on the bench. He is tall looking, with a dark blue rain coat and a clean shaven head. He looks up at me and I see a thick mustache. He looks like an agent from an insurance company or collection agency. Anyway, Linda notices him looking up and turns around. "Pablo,.... Um, this gentleman, ah... is looking for you!" Linda says startled but with a sad puppy dog look in her eyes. "What is going on?" I question. Linda steps back and almost bangs into the louvered doors. "He's asking about your Range Rover!"

"Mr Solis, can you tell me the vehicle's mileage the last time you drove it?" he questions with a serious look on his face. "What?... I guess its around 103,500... Why?" I question back, puzzled at such an odd question. "Could it be 103,597??" He asks.

"What the hell is this about?" I yell back, feeling extremely frustrated now, and not knowing why, slightly concerned. "Please step into the next room, Mr Solis... please?"

Now I am really concerned! "What is going on?" I insisted. "Please step into the next room..."

I walk into this bright, white hallway that opens up to a even whiter & brighter room with tiled walls and floor. To the right there is a empty steel table on the side. The room looks like a morgue and now with that chill running down my back, feels like one too. As I stepped into the room, there is a cold steel table with a lumpy, blue hospital sheet. I am shocked! there is a body under that sheet! it is a long, heavy looking person. The only part of the body I can see is the forehead and the bluish-gray hair on a large head. By the look of the hairline, I can tell that it's an older man.

I don't know who that can be, so I don't react in any kind of way to seeing a dead body under a sheet. It almost seems like I'm watching a TV horror show. I was very detached to what I was seeing until I step forward some more. There, in another table is a small body laying face down, not covered by a sheet and fully dressed in a black Tuxedo. I can see the patented leather shoes, the white socks and the velvet stripe down the leg of the pant. The lower torso is detached from the bottom of the jacket. Now that hit me hard! This is a little boy...

I keep scanning up the body in a slow-motion pace. The jacket is wet, and the hands are still red. I can see water droplets dripping out the tip of the hands. "Hey I recognize that hand!!" I screamed! "What the hell is going on...." The next thing I see is the head. It is severed just below the hair line. The head is full of beautiful black hair. Long, nicely combed back and gelled. The hair is parted in the middle just like.....

"No fucking way - it can't be!!" The head is turned slightly sideways & I saw that profile...

"AAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Nooooooo way!! God no this can't beeeeeeeee!!!" Not my son!!!

I scream and fall to the ground in the disbelief. "Noooo! This can't be... why didn't anybody warn me that this was the horror I am to witness..."

Things seems to fade away for what felt like hours. Finally when I became aware of where I am, I find that I am sitting up, with my head in my hands and my elbows on my knees. I am crying so much that the tears seem to have dried out. I look up and I see Linda and the bald-headed agent standing there. For a second I draw a blank, then the horror of the moment hits me. I jump to my feet and turn the severed head over. The eyes are both wide open and I see that he has blue eyes. "That's not my boy!! My son has brown eyes, so that is most definitely not him!!!!"

I run screaming of joy that it's not my boy. I run out of that building and run home to be with my son.

---

Now my interpretation of this dream:

First I woke myself up from the dream several times because I, obviously, did not like what I was seeing. I woke up crying my head off and feeling like my heart has been ripped out! I woke myself up to make sure this was not real. Real it did feel! The pain and anguish I felt still hits me hard.

But from past experience, I know I am dreaming and this is just a visitation. Lately the visitations have been gruesome ... So of course it looks like this. Now if you are a first time reader, this may sound cold & heartless, but if you've been reading my other posts you will see that this is like visitation 15, 16 or so. So it is no news to me that I would have this kind of dream.

I now know that It is telling me of an upcoming event that looks nothing like this. So I must take it for what it is not what it looks like or feels like.

I know that I need to analyze that dream in order to understand that message: The first thing that hits me is the repetition of the number three (3). 3 sets of doors (2/1); 3 areas - the gym, lower gym & then the morgue - (2/1). The three persons I knew in the lower gym (2 female/1 male)and then the three people in the darkened hallway (2 female/1 male). Waking into the morgue there are 3 steel tables. Again 2 occupied/1 not. Even the boy's body was in three parts.

Also the colors I saw were 3 (red, yellow & blue) - Even the gray things I saw were in 3 shades. So what does this pattern tell me?

In Numerology number 3: socially active, artistic, very positive and optimistic, playful, happy and fun-loving, inspirational, imaginative, motivating, enthusiastic and uplifting.

In Dream Interpretation the number 3 may symbolize completeness and fulfillment - for example, the resolving of conflict between two opposing psychic forces.

In Christianity: 3 is the number of the Holy Father, Son & Holy Spirit. It is completeness of who God is.

Next symbolism: It was very odd seeing, what at first I thought was my son. And then ultimately realizing that it wasn't him. This leads me to believe that it will be a family member, but not an immediate member, like my wife or son.

The gray hair is another big hint. It tells me its a male. The forehead and the gray hair, but not being able to see the face keeps it as a distant relative.

OK who do I know that is fun-loving, socially active, & uplifting distant relative. One that is currently ill?? Even making his way in life to be complete. The only person I know of is... Julito.

I pray : dear God, please keep his soul & allow him to leave this world complete. I pray that his family, left behind, is also complete and at peace with his parting. May his journey be one of peace & that he rejoice in your love.

Let the Wild Rumpus Start!!!

Inside all of us is Fear...

This is true! With the way the economy is going

Inside all of us is Hope!

It is Well with My Soul...

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul."
-- Ho­ra­tio G. Spaf­ford

I can say that it is truly well with my soul and there really is 'nothing wrong' in the overall scheme of things.

Last night my aunt Olga passed away. She had been living 15 years on dialisys for a kidney transplant that never took. This had been affecting her all these years and her body just could not take it anymore. She suffered imensely thru those years and finally, her body was hit with a brain hemmorage. She refused to allow the doctors to operate and release the pressure. She refused any and all treatments and in doing so she sealed her fate. The next day she lapsed into a coma, from which she never awoke.

I just realized that the dreams I've been having about the women submitting to their death relates to my aunt! She has been suffering too long. A prisoner to her own body, she needed to be free. By dying she is now free from the pain and the agony she must have been sufferning all those years.

Peace be with you, Tia...

Hiding Out

"There, by sharing something, I realized that I'm not alone, that there is a lot of people that share with me the same preoccupations, the same ideas, the same ideals, and the same quest for a meaning for this life."
-- Paulo Coelho

It's been a few months since I've written any posts here. Let me rephrase that - I have written them, they're there, but they sit there unpublished - just waiting for me to push the 'publish' button. So now I have lots of 'draft' posts just sitting - in bold red - there waiting to be posted.

Waiting for what, I don't know...

"You are selfish!" is what my friend Beatrice yelled at me when I shared with her what I have been doing. "Share yourself, anyway! Don't hide behind the Vail..." is what she said as she nudged my shoulder.

So here I am sharing myself. The posts have mostly been about SM, and another visitation that culminated this week, when my aunt Olga passed away. The 'Vail' I was hiding behind is that they hit too close to home. I was afraid of sharing - didn't even share it with my wife.

But isn't that why I started this blog - to share my experiences - no matter what my 'little voice' has to say about it.

So for the next day or two I will be 'publishing' my posts with their original dates. Sorry if the feed is out of order.

I'm Human Too...

i found myself at the foot of the I-95 off ramp & I am debating giving a homeless man some money. I immediately thought he's a wino, a bum - he's going to waste it on whatever BS - I think. So I said God - no judgement. I will give just because.

So the test I gave God was : if the light turns red then I will give him money. If not - then oh well... So of course! the light turns red & I stop. I open the window & call this guy over to give him a buck.

He comes over with a big smile on his face & humbly says thank you. He immediately changed my mood. He also tells me "God bless you" and says that his sign got ruined.

"I need it to tell my story." he adds.

So I asked him what is your story. "I am just a homeless man" he says "you could even call me a bum. I drink, yes I may be a wino, but I am also human. Your dollar will help me to stay alive another day. Thanks Lord."

This was a sobering thought. He was repeating the words I was using to judge him & he reminded that God does listen & talks with us! Only we choose when we want to listen to Him.

Be Still & All Will Be Revealed

Be still, and know that I am God!...”
-- Psalm 46:10

It is in the stillness that all is revealed.

Wow, last night was another crazy dream night. The theme from the previous night is the same (women surrendering themselves to their demise) but this time it was more graphic and in black and white.

In this dream, three women approach three stalls and surrender themselves to the execution. each one pulls up the skirt just above the knee and kneels down. On her knees, she crawls into the stall (scraping her knees) to be beheaded. Two of them are way inside the stall and I am spared seeing the beheading. But the third is half-way out and I get a full view of the brutality of a failed beheading.

Now I gotta warn you, this section is where it gets quite graphic! so I have hidden this paragraph. click to expand & read this...

This woman is kneeling and asking for the executioner to get started. He weals not an ax, but a pick, and smacks it into the crown of her head. This does not do the deed and he goes to pull it out. She demands that he does not take it out. He is yanking at it and her head is being pulled with every yank. This looks and feels, to me, so extremely painful, but she complains not. He could actually release the agony, but she refuses.

Next, another executioner comes and she demands of him to complete the execution, while the first guy is still doing his yanking. He weals a very heavy sword at her neck and again it fails. The sword is carving away at the skin on the back of her neck, peeling back the skin and exposing the bone. Ultimately, she dies from the wounds and she could have gone without the added suffering.

I came back and added the graphic content because I feel that it is relevant to what occurred this week. It is what was in my dream and it was there for a reason. Sorry if you do not agree with me adding it - but I did warn you!

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After witnessing that level of brutality, I must call on God’s light to enter my heart and provide clarity. This is where “be still” fits in perfectly. In the mist of the graphic nature, there is a message. I am upset with myself for having these dreams. Yes, they are graphic! I sometimes even question the morbid sense of the dream. So this is where I need to draw on my inner strength and not go into the 'make wrong' aspect.

I can’t “be still” if I'm fretting about or questioning whether this is right or wrong - based on my earthly morals & convictions. I must trust and be humble so that I would be usable in His hand - after all, this isn’t for me but for His purpose.

I just simply need to “be still.” There is a message yet to be revealed.

All in Due Time...

Last night & the night before, I had some very strange dreams. These dreams were of women - mostly late middle-age women - all surrendering themselves in different ways. One was physically abused to her death & never challenged her abuse. Another stretched out her neck into the noose to be executed. Any way they all are giving in to their sentence. They were all taken away to their death sentence, but none resisted.

The other thing that was strange is that they were all asking for it - almost demanding to be killed. I don't mean asking for it - as if they were evil kind-of-way, but it seemed as if they could not bear the conditions of their lives and asked for & welcomed the end.

The other overwhelming feeling I get is that in releasing their soul from their physicality, they are doing an act of compassion. Compassion of what - for who - I do not know. I don't quite understand this feeling but it's almost as if their are sacrificing themselves for the betterment of others.

Like I say, I don't quite understand this one nor am I going to dwell in needing to understand it. I will know when the time comes.

They mostly followed orders and even gave up what they needed, for others to have. This occurred over several dreams, across several days, thru out many lives. I don't know what they are about or what they are supposed to mean.

But they had several things in common:

• All the women were late, middle-age - too young to die.


• All are surrendering & giving in to the inevitable.


• They never complained nor even cried out in pain.


• They all welcomed their end - an act of release.


• They gave themselves for others - a selfless act.

But the most impactful part was that they all felt, to me, to be accepting of the fact that they are here due to their own actions. What they did has caused them to be here going thru what they are going thru. They are paying the price for letting their past be the way it was.

The question I am asking myself now - is this a prelude to another visitation? It seems to have the hallmark signs of one, but who do I know that is sick and ready to go? Who is the person leaving and letting me know that their time has come?

So I thank God for the clarity in seeing the sign and for the gift this is. I even thank him for not giving me the foresight to know who the person is, because if I knew (& this turned out to be someone close to me) then I may be too swept up in emotions to see the message clearly.

Now on to the next step. Waiting to see what the message is. Not to rush it, because the next step is the reveal of who is going to pass.

All in due time...